Killian's Kiss
by casharris
Summary: Killian fights the desire to tell Emma why he can't be around her right now. Spoilers for 3.17.


The sea was making its comforting rhythm in the dark of the night. He and Emma were the last ones left of the small group who'd been standing in the warm glow of the street light, but as she asked him to get a drink with her he could no longer remember why they'd been there in the first place. He could, however, remember what Zelena had said to him not a week ago. "I'm sorry love, I can't" he somehow struggled to say.  
"I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did Killian Jones just decline an offer of a drink with a beautiful woman? My, my, you really are full of surprises." He had to agree with her, just a week ago he'd have welcomed such an offer, but now… He couldn't do that to her.

"Maybe another time, lass."  
"Okay.." They maintained eye contact a while longer, but until Emma, with a tilt of her head, hesitantly asked "is everything okay, Killian?"  
"Yes, of course, why wouldn't it be?"

She took a step closer, so close that she had to tilt her head back to look at him properly. "You know I can tell when you're telling the truth, right?"  
"As if I could forget."  
"And that's the story you're sticking with?" She asked, searching his eyes for any hint of the truth.  
"Indeed." As he met her gaze he noticed her eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips, and as she took a small breathe and leaned in, he took a step back. He hated himself for it, but he had to do the right thing, he couldn't let that wicked witch win, and if that meant not kissing Emma, that's what he'd do, even if it killed him. The look in her eyes almost did.

"Wow, now I know something's wrong. Killian, just tell me" she almost pleaded. He turned away from her, unable to look at the woman he loved and had to reject.  
"Emma, please, please trust me" he turned to look at her again. "I can't do this. I'm not right for you."  
"What? Killian, you don't get to make that decision for me, for us. You're not a pirate anymore, I don't care about the past, I told you, I'm tired of it."  
"No, it's not about that Emma" The more frustrated he got, the more his hands flew wildly.  
"Well then what is it, Killian? Because I don't believe this pirate nonsense, and I certainly don't believe that you'd have done any of this if you didn't care for me. Why?"  
"I can't tell you!" He shouted, and she almost jumped away, startled by the manifestation of his frustration. Her fright turned to anger in a mere millisecond though, as he saw her wide-eyed gaze suddenly become a determined, furrowed brow.

"Fine. If you don't want to tell me… That's fine. I'll see you around, Hook." She started to walk away from him and with a few moment's hesitation he called after her.  
"No, Swan" he ran after her and grabbed her arm. "Emma, please." He pulled her towards him, and the frank look in his eyes softened the hard one in hers. "Please, trust me. I can't be with you at the moment. I can't…" his eyes wandered from hers as he finished his sentence "I can't trust myself around you." He returned his eyes to hers "you're not the only one who's been cursed, love." Again, she stepped closer to him, her hands hesitantly resting on his chest. It uncomfortably reminded him of their first and last kiss, and he quickly suppressed the feelings it evoked before he could do any damage, but this time, he wasn't strong enough to take a step back.  
"What? No, you weren't part of the original curse, you remember the last year, you…"  
"You don't have to be a part of the old curse to receive a new one, love" he spoke softly, unwilling to break peace that seemed to have descended upon them, now that they were so close.

It almost broke him to see the look of concern on her face. "What did she do to you?"  
"I…" he trailed off, contemplating sharing the truth with her. "I can't tell you, as much as I would love to. If I do… You wouldn't like the consequences."  
"No. I refuse to let her dictate my life. Tell me what she did to you Hook."  
"Emma, I'm trying to look after you. Please!" He begged her, "please."

As much as she wanted to know and fix whatever was wrong, she knew she had to trust him. The pleading in his voice, the pure concern written all over his face, it was enough to convince her he believed what he was saying to her.  
"Okay, okay. I'll drop it." She felt him exhale beneath her hands, felt his arms come around her and hold her to him. It felt natural to turn her head and rest it on his shoulder, even more so to bring her hand up to his jaw and tilt his head down towards hers.

He felt her hand on his jaw, bringing his head, face, his lips towards hers. He jerked his head away, shaking it free from her guidance, but leaving his arms where they were. He didn't want her to leave, merely to stop trying to kiss him. He looked back at her, not saying a word. Her hand was still midair, as if she didn't believe what had just happened.

"Hook, is there a reason you won't kiss me?" He held her gaze, blankly. "That's what you meant by not being able to trust yourself around me isn't it?" She broke away from the warmth of his arms as she started to piece things together. He watched her walk away from him, muttering until she turned back to point at him and present her new idea. "That's what Zelena did, didn't she? That's why you can't kiss me, that's her curse on you. But, why is that such a curse?" His eyebrows creased together as he tilted his head down and looked up at her as if to say "really? You have to ask?".  
"So Zelena put a spell on you that stops you from kissing me. Is that it? But what does she get out of that? Some sick, twisted fantasy?" She looked at Hook to see if his face was telling her anything more, but he'd returned to watching her with a forced disinterest. "Oh Killian, just tell me! We'll work through it together." She watched him think about it for what felt like an age before he acquiesced.

"Okay. I'll tell you, but, afterwards, we come up with a plan _together._ We fight this _together, _with _everything_ we've got, okay?"

"Agreed" she waited a moment before prompting him further.

"Zelena…" he hesitated, and for a second she was afraid he wasn't going to continue. "She realised the depth of my feelings for you, and she wants me to kiss you, and thus take your magic from you."  
"What?! Why didn't you just tell me?"  
"Do you think I didn't want to? That I wouldn't have if it had been that easy? No, she told me that if I told you she'd hurt your friends, your parents, and, Henry. I can't let that happen Swan."

"And we won't. We'll, we'll figure this out together." She pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, for telling me." And as his arms came to rest around her, he realised that there was hope for them, that with her's and Regina's magic there was a chance for them all to survive this. And if it took a while, well, there are other ways to express love and affection.


End file.
